Big Questions: What are you most afraid of? On faith, trust, and taking the big gamble
Today, enjoy a small break from strategy & economics. I’m writing in Tiffany Moore‘s Big Questions series. These are the kind of questions that lead to real dreams and true self-actualization. Will you get deep with me & nine other writers?
A week from today, my daughter, Lola, and I will be on our way to the coast. The Oregon coast. By car.
That’s a journey of nearly 3,000 miles. We plan to hit the Navy Pier in Chicago, the Mall of America in Minneapolis, Mt Rushmore in South Dakota, Yellowstone in Wyoming, and, if there’s time, Mt Saint Helens. I’ve never done anything like this before.
But that’s not what I’m afraid of.
I know I can handle myself on the road trip. I know that Lola will love it even when she’s aching to get out of her car seat. I know that she’ll be able to wow her pre-K classmates with tales of mountains, rivers, and forests. And I know she’ll have a renewed love of airplanes at the end of it.
Airplanes?
Yes, once we hit the coast, we’ll turn back around and head to PDX. At PDX, we’ll take a red eye back to Harrisburg International Airport, leaving my car on the West Coast. I’ll take Lola back to her dad’s house in Reading. And I’ll hop a flight two days later back to Oregon.
Follow that? Good, because I’m not sure I have my brain around it completely.
Lola’s dad & I separated almost a year ago. I haven’t written about it previously because, well, it doesn’t have much to do with business. But it is truly a story of two people understanding that they want different things out of life and that all three of us would be happier if we actually achieved those things, albeit separately.
And truly, all three of us are happier. Sure, there are some scars and plenty of things to still work through. But I have no doubt, as does my ex, and as does Lola, that this was the best course of action to take.
As part of this decision, I knew I would be moving. I had high expectations for the place I wanted to live: more like-minded people, more cultural activities than going to Target, and access to plenty of other cool spots. I planned on moving to Philadelphia because it seemed easy.
But I had this nagging feeling… “If only… if only… I’d be on the West Coast by now.”
As I sat pondering this feeling in late July, I had a glimpse of possibility. What if I was missing something? A perspective, a clue, a tidbit of information. Then I saw a tweet from Danielle about an interview she did with Gabby Bernstein about miracles. Yes, that’s it. I need a miracle.
“Miracles are a shift in perception.”
“The choice is usually just about being softer.”
I watched the interview in its entirety. But those were the two lines that really got me. I finished the interview and I sat with myself. I softened my gut, I quieted my mind, and I dialed in my heart. I erased the “can’ts” and “if onlys” and concentrated on possibility.
And I saw things differently.
I had a vision for co-parenting long distance. I had a trust in our ability to maintain a sense of family across this great continent. I saw the beauty of a child who understands what is important to both of her parents.
Then I texted my ex, “I’d like to talk this afternoon about the possibility of me moving to Oregon. Nothing to worry about.”
He, of course, worried. But we had an appointment to talk about other things that afternoon anyhow and so I told him my idea. I let him in on my vision of living most of the year in Oregon while Lola went to school in Pennsylvania. I would come back to PA in November, and then for many weeks for Christmas & New Year’s, and again over the Spring. She could visit me on the West Coast in the Summer. I would concentrate on creating really quality time & amazing experiences with her. Then we would reevaluate what was best for Lola, for him, and for me.
One day at a time, one month at a time, one year at a time.
He listened and said. “I know you’ve wanted that for a long time. I think it can work. Let’s talk about it more.”
So I moved ahead with plans and arrangements and hope. Trust & faith have enveloped the entire process.
In just over two weeks, the move will be made.
So what am I afraid of?
This is a gamble. What I am ultimately afraid of is that the gamble won’t pay off.
This is what I believe with my whole heart:
“One of the most important things we do for our children is to present them with a version of adult life that is appealing and worth striving for.”
— Madeline Levine
But my fear is that my daughter won’t see our lives that way. My fear is that my daughter won’t remember growing up with the advatnages of bicoastal living; she’ll remember being abandoned. My fear is that my daughter will still let others expectations dictate her own life choices. My fear is that my daughter won’t open her own heart to miracles.
Of course, that’s not the truth. Fear rarely is.
And few things in life (and business) are as big a gamble as we make them out to be.
I have faith. I have trust. I have love. And that’s what I will offer to my daughter instead of fear.
And she’ll know that the big gamble is the only truth we can know.
***
Update: I’m closing the comments on this piece only because I believe each & every one of your amazing comments deserved a response and I simply can’t keep it up anymore!
One thing I want to clarify, and I think this is extremely important, is that this move isn’t about “following my dream.” For me, this is about the journey to create a new experience of life both for myself and for Lola. Lola is lucky to have a close-knit family unit in the town she has so far grown up in. But there are other things that a lacking from that experience. Both her father & I see this move as an opportunity to both pursue the life I want to live and to pursue a full & rich life for our daughter.
This post isn’t advice. And it’s not an account of a singular decision. Just like everything in my life, it’s the story of an unfolding process. It’s experimentation. I believe that life in the 21st century allows us to live with the beauty of uncertainty in a way that we’ve never been able to before. My family embraces that uncertainty and we’ll maintain the flexibility that is required of us to make it work.
Miracles & all.
You’ve got to give to get. But are you ready to receive?
It’s absolutely true that you have to give to get. Often, the more you give, the more you get.
But giving to get is not a magical system by which you can circumvent the sales process. The reason “giving to get” is so often bandied about in value(s)-driven business is that it makes business owners feel secure, like they’re doing what they need to do to move their businesses forward, without having to actually make an effort to change potential customers into paying customers.
“Giving to get” does not excuse you from the sales process. – @taragentile
Click to tweet!
Too often, I see eager, but insecure, entrepreneurs put all their time into producing free content, doing free consultations, and offering free gifts then wonder about how to find the time to do work that pays. Or they spend too much time answering queries about their services or products but rarely close the sale. Or they simply see customers that they’ve nurtured buy from other providers or makers.
This isn’t about what you give away for free or even how much you give away but rather ensuring that you have a system in place to accept payment – or other compensation – when potential customers want to go further with you.
There are many ways to receive: email addresses, personal information, experiential information from ideal clients, and, of course, money.
- If you’re giving away virtually free content, do you have a good system in place to collecting email addresses or leads?
- If you’re creating remarkable blog content, do you regularly invite readers to purchase more in depth writing on the same subject?
- If you’re answering questions about what you do, do you have a services sales page to send prospects to?
- If your client nurturing is actually creating buyers for other business owners, do you have a way to get the feedback you need to create compelling offers of your own?
If the answer to these questions is no, ask yourself why you’ve been “giving” in the first place. And why you feel insecure about receiving.
Giving and serving outside the payment system is incredibly important. But if you don’t build in a system for receiving, it’s difficult for your customers to give back and go deeper – allowing you to serve them further.
Making It Up as You Go is No Reason for Fear
This summer, I’ve had the distinct privilege of coaching 5 students from the Maryland Institute College of Art’s MPS in the Business of Art & Design program.
This week, they’ll present their final business plans, pitches, and slide decks as the culmination of their learning.
As we near the end, each of them want to know if it’s okay if they make some stuff up. Their numbers, their “go to market” plan, their exit strategy.
They say, “Where do these numbers come from? Is it okay if I guess?”
“Sure!” I say. “Business is all about making it up as you go.”
There’s no such thing as a sure thing in business except the results of whatever you’ve tried. And you can’t try anything until you craft an initial hypothesis and perform experiments to either prove it or disprove it.
If you feel like you’re just making things up at the beginning (or the middle… or later), you’re exactly right.
That’s no reason to fear; that’s a reason to celebrate!
As Erica Dhawan argues in a piece on unlearning in Forbes, we must “learn to value process over programs, questions over answers, and influence over control.”
That is not to say that business is a crap shoot. The more your experiment, the more you learn how to make educated guesses. The more you question, the better you’ll be at anticipating the answers. But the biggest mistake you will make is thinking that you’ve learned the answer.
Every new customer, every new product, every new day is an opportunity for surprise. Even the most practiced process can defy all expectations.
Don’t fear. Rejoice.
Hone in on the value you truly provide – or why my highest grossing product needed a makeover.
Over two years ago, my customers started asking me for a resource on creating their own websites. They wanted to know how to install WordPress, how to design something they were proud of, and maybe even how to code a little.
I stalled and stalled and stalled.
Until I realized that leveraging this skill of mine was one way to break out of the time-for-money crunch that drags down so many beginning business owners.
So I created my DIY website program.
The first time through it – creating the content, answering support questions, sharing ideas, discovering what I hadn’t anticipated – was extremely difficult. I almost didn’t run the program again. But overwhelming demand buoyed my confidence.
I launched it again and it went much better the second time. By that point 80 people had participated in the program and I started receiving very interesting feedback.
I heard that, while the program taught them all sort of new skills & brought back the thrill of a challenge, it was the fresh way of looking at their businesses that was the true value for them.
You see, in Website Kick Start, I focused on guiding participants through thinking about their business from the customer’s perspective. We spent time considering our websites from the visitor’s point of view. And that made all the difference.
Participants found clarity around their business decisions. They discovered new language to use in spreading their message. They created new ways to serve their customers right on site.
And that’s why people said things like…
This was definitely one of the best investments I made in my business and I love being able to go in and control my site design myself!
– Amy Kozak, jewelry designer
and
The skills to build it has taken up <--this--> much of my learning and the knowledge and new way of thinking about my business has taken up <------------------------this------------------------> much of my learning.
— Kathryn, CloudLoveBaby
In working with hundreds of business owners over the last few years, this has been one of my greatest lessons:
The greatest value you deliver is the solution that’s sitting below the surface of the problem you think you’re solving.
People wanted websites. What they needed was a new perspective on their businesses. They got both.
So the makeover?
This week Kick Start Labs launched Website Kick Start 2.0 (as well as a juicy membership program that’s FREE with purchase). The program was constantly updated during it’s 2 year life — but this time it needed reworked from the ground up.
Despite the success it had, I wanted to hone in on the value the program truly provided. I wanted to make getting the website part even easier and I wanted the business shift to be even more massive.
I know now that the experience of the program will be better for all involved, that the results will be even more massive, and that the program will spread from customer to customer.
That’s a pretty good feeling to have in your business.
What products do you have sitting on the shelf that could use a makeover to hone in on their true value? What products are you dreaming about that may have a deeper value than the surface problem you’re trying to solve?
Stick to your ribs value is your customer’s birthright. Give it to them.
— PS —
Want in on the all new Website Kick Start 2.0? I betcha do. Find out more about how to get a website that works for you and how to get every resource Kick Start Labs creates for a year… FREE: click here.
How to make your website your best employee.
Imagine you’re a manager. You’ve got two employees, both exceed the qualifications for the job. On paper, they’re both good eggs.
But, in practice, one consistently wows you with her performance. The other… well, she’s just punching the clock.
The Star Employee represents the business well, answering the phone pleasantly & professionally, creating systems for herself & others, improving quality standards, and selling more than you imagined possible. The Clock Puncher ignores company standards, creates more work for you & the rest of the staff, annoys customers, and takes no ownership over the job.
What would you do?
Inane HR policies notwithstanding, you’d fire the Clock Puncher!
She’s damaging relationships, misrepresenting your vision, and costing you money.
So why do you let your website punch the clock?
Sadly, most business websites are just punching the clock. They misrepresent the vision of the business, damage relationships with potential & existing customers, and cost you money.
Just like there’s no perfect employee, no website is perfect – certainly not this one. But there are ways to make sure your website is the employee you dream about, not the one of nightmares.
Bottom line, your website needs to work when you’re not working. Click to tweet!
What good is it to have an employee that only works when you do? Spacing out “coverage” during all the hours you’re open for business is important. Of course, your business is open 24 hours a day if you’re online. So your website needs to be working for you while you’re eating lunch, playing with your kids, and sleeping.
If you’re not posting a new article, does your website still get traffic? If you’re not launching a new product, does your website still close sales? If you’re not answering your email, does your website still provide the answers?
Here are my expectations for “website employee of the month:”
- Answers questions. It’s not enough to have a “contact” page – you’ve still got to do the work! You need to make sure your website is anticipating your customers’ questions so they don’t need to contact you before you make the sale.
- Directs customers to where they want to go. “What can I help you find today?” It’s the first thing you hear when you walk into a store and your website should be no different. Again, you need to anticipate what your visitors are looking for and place that front & center. You can also create paths through your site that invite people to go further & further into your world.
- Makes appropriate suggestions. I love when a waiter suggests something he loves off the menu. Or when I’m in the dressing room and an attentive employee brings me something that would look great on me. Your website needs to do that too. Think, “If you like this, then you’ll love that!.
- Follows the dress code. Polos & aprons at Starbucks, white shirts & black ties at your favorite Italian restaurant, fashion-forward & quirky accessories at the hip design firm down the street. What you wear says a lot about you as an employee – and consequentially the business you work for. What’s your website wearing nowadays? If it’s outdated, cheap, or it’s shirt isn’t tucked in, it’s probably giving people the wrong impression of what you & your business can do for them.
- Tells the business story. Truly great employees engage customers in the history, vision, and story of the business. It’s more than just answering questions or closing the sale. It’s about making the customer feel like a part of the family. Does your website find opportunities to engage your visitors in your business story at every click?
It’s time to take some serious disciplinary action against your clock punchin’ website. Whether there are known problems that just keep escalating or you need to carefully observe it in action, make a list of what your website is doing well for you and how it could be working harder for you.
You can’t afford to have this employee slacking off.
— PS —
Website Kick Start 2.0 is here! We’re fighting lazy, clock punching websites and teaching you how to create hardworking, money making sites that work for you.
Shame & the Money Script That is Standing in Your Way
When you wonder about pricing your offerings, what’s the script that runs in your head? My bet is it’s something along the lines of “I’m not worth [that much, a higher price, others paying that].”
Rarely is it “The work isn’t worth it.”
This money script is all about shame.
Shame is this feeling we get that something is wrong with us and that somehow we are flawed or inadequate in a way that makes us unworthy of a connection with other people.
— Brene Brown
That’s the trick, isn’t it? We know deep down that each of those transactions, each time money & goods change hands, that it’s a connection with another person. A living, breathing human being.
Shame, that “most primitive” of human emotions, tugs at us when we go to set a price and forge a connection. “No,” we say, “I’m not worth it.”
What is also implied, of course, is that your customers aren’t worth that deep personal connection, either. By pricing the offering too low or not bringing it to market at all, we don’t let our customers exercise their own worthiness. They can’t connect with us and our work.
How do you replace this shame script with a positive one?
Ask yourself about the value of the work. As I said, rarely do we say “The work isn’t worth it.”
We know it is. How much is a website worth? Often over a million dollars over its lifetime. How much is losing weight worth? Medical bills reduced and years added to life. How much is jewelry worth? The priceless feeling you get when you put it on.
Put the emphasis on the work. Put the emphasis on the value. And don’t just try to imagine it – when has that ever worked?
Quantify it.
Run the numbers. How many shopping trips saved? How many sleepless nights avoided? How many good relationships gamed? How much peace realized?
Certainly, the value of your work is not so easily quantifiable. But that’s really the point. The work is worth it. The work is worthy.
The worthiness of that work is the tie that binds you & your customer together. It provides the gentle reminder that you are worth it and that she is worth it.
You’re not worthy because of your work. You’re worthy because you’re you. But the work is a tangible product of that worthiness.
Set your price accordingly.
— PS —
I had a Twitter conversation with Brenda Johima last night that I felt compelled to add to this post. I tweeted that, “It’s never to late to set financial goals higher than you ever dreamed possible.” And she replied that she’d recently done just that, told a few friends, and then was immediately deflated by their reactions.
Unfortunately, you & I both know this is a common story. I’ve been there myself.
That’s why it’s of utmost importance to find yourself worthy of making friends who understand & believe in your big goals. The friends you have now want to protect you – and what you’re doing is scary. The numbers you’re throwing around are downright crazy.
Find new friends who realize that scary and crazy are exactly what you need right now. It’s not that you need to ditch your old friends, just that a business needs friends too!
And where to find these magical people? Well, I’ve found mine (Megan, Adam, Amanda, and so many others) on Twitter. Cliche but true. Maybe you’ll find yours at the local coffee shop, the conference you just signed up for, or in the program you’ve just started.
But make an effort to find that core group of people who are willing to help you draft plans & strategies just as crazy as your goals.